"Who are these women who say that they ENJOYED being pregnant?!"
That's the somewhat edited-for-adult-content thought which crossed my mind at 4am when I was jabbed awake from within by my little kung-fu panda and realized that even though I'm an exhausted, aching mess; I'd need to take yet another trip to the bathroom. I know I still have a couple months to go but I sincerely hope that nobody expects me to produce more offspring after Izaak’s arrival. I suppose I could change my mind later on and currently things could be much worse but this hasn’t exactly been a walk in the proverbial park!
I didn't have a whole lot of preconceived notions about what pregnancy would be like other than gaining a couple lbs and craving ice cream and pickles all the time. Not that I really thought it would be, but it’s not like the movies/TV at all! I'm glad that I didn’t have morning sickness per se, I only threw up once in the first trimester (due to a poorly timed vitamin intake) but I spent pretty much every waking moment feeling like I was going to spew, Exorcist-style, everywhere. Luckily, that feeling has mostly passed, seemingly replaced by a burning inside – a fire creeping up my esophagus. Heartburn is such a treat. Tums are this girl's best friend.
“Oh my gosh, you’re glowing!” Really? Who glows?! Clearly not me! I’m extra pasty, if that’s even possible, which really helps to accentuate the dark circles and bags under my eyes. I’m used to back pain but surely didn’t anticipate the intense headaches, crazy fatigue, itchy skin, carpal tunnel syndrome, swollen legs and feet, bleeding gums, stabbing pains near my ribs, easily offended sense of smell, and overall feeling that I’m not fun. The fact that I’ve turned into a human furnace and am no longer cold all the time is pretty strange too.
And I hate (yes, I said it) the pregnant girls who don’t gain an ounce save for their cute little basketball bellies. I regret to report that my adorably round belly has been paired, or should I say “pear-ed” with some thicker thighs and a more expansive backside. My feet and ankles are swollen enough that I’m concerned that “cankles” will be in my near future. The top half of me has been trying to even out the score however, and if I get much larger, Victoria won’t offer me anymore of her Secrets.
I make an effort to maintain a well-balanced diet but I figure that if I’m craving a banana pudding milkshake from Chick-fil-A, it must mean that I should have one and not feel too guilty about it. I’m not naive enough to be unaware of the correlation between amount of calories consumed, current number on the evil weighing device that plagues me at my dr visits, and puffy body shape. Everyone asks if I have any weird food cravings. I don't think mine are too strange; I do enjoy pickles (Claussen brand please!), Edy's Fruit Bars -Lemon or Lime flavors, pudding and fruit cups. An oddity: beer smells TERRIBLE. I don't think I could take a sip, even if I wanted to and I used to love beer!
On the upside of all of this, I haven’t changed the litterbox (thank you, Joe) or had a hangover in ages! I also haven’t (yet) morphed into a super-sappy, cry-at-Hallmark-commercials broad either, no offense meant to those of you who are – it’s just not me. I've had plenty of couch time to catch up on movies and TV shows and planning the nursery has been quite enjoyable thus far too.
Despite the poor-me rant I just assaulted you with, I assure you that I am truly excited about the outcome of this experience!! I’m also glad that I waited to have some life experiences and a little maturity under my belt before attempting to try on the parenting hat (again, not judging anyone else, just saying that for spastic-little-me it was probably a good choice) and I feel very fortunate to be able to share this ride with someone supportive, loveable, intelligent, and my favorite partner-in-crime. It sure doesn’t hurt that he’s handy around the house as well!
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